Genuine

My heart is heavy and the

lines and lines of verse

written are lyrics to the music

of my soul. Darling, as long as

this love lasts I’ll have something

to clasp, hold on to. But if it is

ever taken from me I’ll surely

lose all that is me. So come now,

kiss me, love me and let this zeal

we burn with turn into a bonding

true, sincere, concrete.

© Nitin Lalit

Priceless

And because love struggles, strives and overcomes

We hold on to it like it’s the only thing we’ve got

Still often, the moment the storm is conquered

and the birds chirp their aubade at the break of dawn

we forget its pricelessness, worth. We let it die.And once that

which burned brightly is simply ashes and wood, we lament.

We then scramble, try everything to bring it back and mourn

when all our attempts are futile.

 

I let you go darling, took things for granted. And now that I’ve

forgiven myself and am no longer angry, I only wish for you

to be happy again, to find love that lasts and I know you wish

the same for me.

© Nitin Lalit

If meaning existed

My heart is burdened with love

My mind riddled with thought

I could live with insecurity, doubt

and stay guarded but baby I’d rather

risk a broken heart and let go,

surrender to this feeling because

I didn’t come this far, cross all those

broken roads, carry all those crosses

to analyse love but to cherish it.

So let me hold you in my arms

and say it truly, “I love you and if

there was purpose behind the

wounds, scars, it was you, only you,

always will be you.”

© Nitin Lalit

Delusional

He believed that she was chosen for

him and him alone. That she would

be his wife, the change he needed,

the miracle. So when she took another

lover, he was distraught and began

questioning his faith. “Why Lord, Why?”

he would cry out again and again. Finally

he got his answer. She had rejected the

will of God by choosing another and the

relationship she was in would end soon.

She was destined to be his and would be his.

So he waited, day after day for signs of

turbulence. He would watch them in class,

follow them whenever he got the chance

and talk to her friends, hoping to get some

information. Finally it happened, they

broke up.  Overjoyed he did not waste any time.

He became her friend and got to know her better.

He wanted her to make the move. He was absolutely

sure she would when he found out that she was

actively involved in church. “It’s all coming to fruition,

thank you Lord!” he shouted with joy one day when alone.

Soon she took another lover again and this time he was

livid. He confronted her and made known his feelings.

But she simply laughed it off. Told him he was never in her list.

Then shattered he began to see reality for what it really is.

“Dreams don’t come true and nobody gives a damn, not even

the man upstairs” he said in between sobs and walked home,

the layers of naivety slowly peeling off

© Nitin Lalit

Raindrops

It’s a rainy evening, the sorrowed sky

a perfect shade of orange

Beautiful, evocative

I sit on the veranda, smoking

Thoughts of you like raindrops crashing

against the windowpane that is my psyche.

You’ve always been beautiful and your

idiosyncratic wit actually

makes me laugh. At least that bit

is not pretense!

Reverie—the one place where things can

be perfect. Where all the bullshit that

plagues existence can be forgotten, brushed

aside. The thunder disrupts my peaceful

trance. Yeah I messed up big this time,

didn’t do things right. You’re going away for

good and I can’t bring myself to apologize,

to ask you to stay. It makes me sick, apologizing.

I’ve done it so many times now and I hate it.

Hate bringing myself to a platform lower.

And with you one apology is never enough.

You want me to say the same bloody thing over

and over again. I hate that side of you. I finish

my cigarette. It’s better if you left.

I like you a lot but I don’t love you.

I only pretend like I do and that makes

me sick too. You going away will put an end to this

disgusting charade. The torches in the sky

have all been blown out by the darkness.

I get up and walk inside.

© Nitin Lalit

Dying

The stars lie dormant

And there are no faint whispers in the dark

All that is heard is the cacophony of dogs howling

and time moves as quickly as ever

The odour of sadness permeates

and the half eaten moon

frowns at us with barely concealed disdain

My dear, the flame, the spark is dead

I can no longer write you a song

or look into your eyes and burn with passion

All I feel is emptiness

Our love breathes its final breaths

So let us stop the bickering, the yelling

And walk away from this mess

before malice consumes us and the

bitterness is too much to bear

© Nitin Lalit

I remember yesterday

Broken, distraught, defeated I remember yesterday

True love’s fragrance and roses red; I remember yesterday

 

You had this mischievous smile, beautiful black hair,

eyes filled with life, now dead; I remember yesterday

 

To see you well again, to listen to that sweet laughter,

the beautiful things once said; I remember yesterday

 

When we met for the first time, in that coffeehouse

Oh God, how must I move ahead?  I remember yesterday

 

Robbed of an existence rich with love and happiness

Nitin, she was everything, your beloved; I remember yesterday

© Nitin Lalit

Your Touch

I come back home broken,

beat, with a heart sorrowed

but never defeated

Because I return to

an expression of love

greater than words spoken,

songs sung or lyric written

And that darling is your touch

For it engenders a warmth within

that makes me forget the

tedious journey taken and the

smile that accompanies it makes

me breathe in, lose myself to

the fragrance that is our love

© Nitin Lalit

The thought of you

And then you came along

and changed things

You loved me for the person

I was and that led to me

loving myself for the first time

in my life. Soon, I was able to

appreciate your love and

even reciprocate it

Your love changed me. It made

me appreciate life, beauty;

made me feel

And though the world might

look at me with disdain, it

hurts no more because

the thought of you

tells me that there is

someone who loves me

just the way I am

© Nitin Lalit

Feel so Low

I will never be yours, though I’ve always longed to be

We will never walk hand in hand through

deserted alleyways, letting beautiful melancholia

grasp our souls

We will never kiss; I will never get to tell

you I love you

I will never be able to touch your hair

or peer into your almond brown eyes

I feel so low. I guess it’s time to snap out of delusion

and embrace reality. If only it weren’t so bloody hard.

Cold ruthless reality, unpredictable, in many ways the

antithesis of the stuff of dreams.

I feel so bloody low. I thought you cared for me too.

You gave me all those bloody hints. Now you’re

with him and I don’t wish you happiness. I hope

he messes you up. And they say I’m ill. It’s people

like you who like to mess with people’s feelings that are

really ill.

Feel so bloody low

© Nitin Lalit