The error of my ways

Now I can’t change what’s been

the things said, seen

The error of my ways will forever stay

And my trespasses will never be forgotten

Still what happened then must not stay in the now

But try as I may, I simply know not how–

To be rid of guilt, my past taunts

Screams, yells, bellows, haunts

I can forgive them, her but there is one thing

that simply doesn’t let me be

It’s the fact that I just can’t forgive me

© Nitin Lalit

Cast aside

That was the day I gave up believing  

Filled with indignation, I stood

hopelessly, helplessly lost

I watched tearfully

as verse after verse was read out,

hymn after hymn was sung

and bit by bit, part by part

my feeling fell to the ground

with every teardrop, every sigh

The minister, he spoke of

eternity and a safe haven for

souls. I remember every word

he said to this day but nothing

pierces through my core anymore

Everything tastes, feels

bland and I’ll never be able

to part with the emptiness within

Life has always been filled with

strife but you brought meaning, purpose

You made every stone lifted, every cross

carried worth the effort

Now with yearning dead

and anticipation gone I simply

exist like one sealed, buried,

cast aside.

© Nitin Lalit

Wounded

If only life was a lucid dream,

one I could manipulate, control

I’d make sure you stayed with me

It hurts that I’ll never be yours

completely

Although I thirst, long,

crave to be

I know that if you stayed the night,

You’d leave in the morning

That if you walked with me now

You’d leave me far behind come dusk

Even if I conquered your senses,

your mind

Your heart will never be mine

and the thought of it wounds, pierces

Darling, why won’t you stay with me?

© Nitin Lalit

Moving on

As the skies take a rosy tint

and the sound of silence

is broken by the ethereal

voice of the church bell

Lonesome I drift, beside

the blue leaves and the

strife of the sun in the sky

is akin to the struggle within

It was never meant to be

even though it seemed true

Never meant to blossom,

grow and the throes of

epiphany, though painful

is as beautiful, as liberating

as a new dawn, a new day is

© Nitin Lalit

That which is forever and ever

And it is love,

that makes me want to wake,

face the Goliaths of existence

with slingshot and stone;

that helps me carry on

though inner demons be plentiful

Now I could talk of things unseen

like God and angels, preach

goodwill but still feel empty

If there is one thing that burdens my heart,

makes me feel, it is love—

The one thing worth it; that makes

me want to kiss you, hold you and immortalize

this moment

© Nitin Lalit

U

You with your impotent sarcasm,

half eaten knowledge and your

little group of ‘yes men’ screaming

like giddy idiots

You with your wounds and

scars that shout “Hey look

at me, I cut myself, I’m

depressed.”

You think depression is a

statement don’t you?

Now there are those who draw

because they’re genuinely

frustrated but you aren’t one

of them

You’ll do anything to further

your status, your prestige

Remember the time you

turned your back on your

friends, on the people who actually

cared just to be accepted, to be

part of this clique

You always lived for the bleeding

gallery

You with your grandiose notions,

unrealistic dreams

Fate has been good to you so far

But she has a sadistic sense of humour

my friend. Wait till you’re struck down

by her cruel hand

Oh you’ll cry out then, cry out to your

yes men but they’ll be too busy

cheering for somebody else

Just like that you’ll

find all that respect turning into

disdain

And all those sins of yesterday

which people ignored

because you were somebody

will return to crucify, emasculate

your sense of self when you’re

nobody

© Nitin Lalit

Suffering

And what can I say of suffering?

That which paints the beautiful

crystal moon the colour of blood

Like a whip it scars the soul

But those scars serve to edify

They’ve taught me to appreciate

the fragrance of spring and laughter

To savour smiles shared, to love

with a greater passion

To search within the heart and find

character; to cherish those

small moments of happiness

What can I say of suffering?

It hurts, burns but is also a

blessing in disguise

© Nitin Lalit

Testament

Deep within this soul

lies something I never thought

existed; something pure, beautiful,

simple yet profound—

the ability to love

My dear, I thought I was dead to feeling

I thought that every stumble, fall

only hardened this broken heart

I thought I was lost to apathy

But you gripped the root, the core by

loving me for who I am and not

who you want me to be and the

emotion that pours out now

stands as a testament to that love

© Nitin Lalit